


enervated

by orphan_account



Category: Everyman HYBRID
Genre: Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Unhappy Ending, Vomiting, no idea how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 10:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12386226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: oh, i am very weary,though tears no longer flow;my eyes are tired of weeping,my heart is sick of woe.





	enervated

in the past, people had complained that he was always tired. & he had been, even if he managed, more often than not, to get up in the morning & do what needed to be done. it was not for himself, he had always reflected, but for them. perhaps he hadn't wanted them to worry, or perhaps he would rather have dragged himself around than become a burden, weighing down those around him. that would only have brought them pain, & he was more than willing to take all of that weight, all of that hurt, if it meant saving the others from it. obviously, everything that had happened since then hadn't helped him. he couldn't sleep anymore - he couldn't sleep because he was afraid, afraid he would wake up somewhere else, afraid someone, something, would take advantage of his lack of awareness. people had hurt vin throughout most of his life, & at this point, he knew. he knew how it played out every single time, & he knew that it wouldn't end until the day that he did. he knew, because he never forgot. all of those second chances he gave, & he'd never truly learned how to forgive. he stored his hate inside of himself & pretended it wasn't there, & when he tried to sleep, all of those memories that he couldn't discard of would play in his mind on repeat. it hurt. he hated remembering.

when evan was back, it was easier to relax, but not by much. vince wasn't stupid enough to ever feel safe anymore. habit lurked around every corner, resting in the back of his vessel's mind like a snake in the grass at their feet. there was nothing either of them could do, & they both hated it. then again, it wasn't like vinny could ever have done much about anything, had he? he wouldn't know what being in control felt like, yet, this instance itself truly drove fear deep into his heart. the entity was so malicious, so unpredictable. even in his abscense, anxiety always overpowered vin's need to rest, & he would stay awake for days, powered only by the adrenaline he felt every time a floorboard creaked. sadness was another factor. his boyfriend's company always felt bittersweet, made him feel like crying. he was always holding back an unholy flood of emotions, just like before. maybe, other than losing so many people, not too much had changed. that was so scary to think about.

"vinny?" the other man said his name, & it brought him back to the present. he always swore that he'd savor the time they had, but he found himself in the past & the future, thoughts adrift. it was important to pay attention to right now, he reminded himself, because they were always lucky to have one. he sighed & prepared to speak, but he was slow, everything he did was exhausted & slow, & ev beat him to it. his pitifully weak, dry voice cracked & it made vincent flinch, even if he wasn't so sure why. "i'm sorry..."

he was sorry, too. & although he'd never really done anything, it could have been argued that evan hadn't, either. (of course, one of the two was the far more obvious innocent.) the men were both silent for a few minutes, only hearing each other's breaths within the disturbingly silent atmosphere of the house. vinny had evan in his arms, his brown hair pressed against his chest. their legs were tangled together, & it was nice. despite the chill that traveled through his veins with every second that ticked by, it was nice. remembering that he needed to respond, he thought for a moment, shutting his tired eyes. they were lifeless & lackluster, but, again... they always has been. that occurred to him a lot, but he refused to blame anyone other than himself. the only person he'd ever blamed for anything was himself. vince felt a ball of rage build up in his chest, strong & heavy, & he was both its source & its target. this wasn't time for him, though. it was never time for him. right now, like always, someone else needed him - evan needed him. he could get angry at himself later on, when he was alone again. he knew it was going to happen, & he felt that it would be for a long time. it was easy to say he preferred isolation over habit, that he enjoyed his absence, but it was impossible to say that he was comfortable because he never was. everything was scary & everything hurt, all the time. lost in thought, he hadn't noticed how uncomfortable the silence had become until the other man cleared his throat. lids still shut, he tentatively spoke, "it's okay. i forgive you."

"it's not okay. that's _bullshit,_ " ev scoffed. he was partially right, partially wrong. this whole situation & everything that had anything to do with it, everything in their lives, was one giant mess. a giant, indecipherable mess that made his head spin whenever he tried to think about it. once, he'd been dead set on figuring it all out, on solving their problem. there was no point in trying anymore, nothing to make him want to solve it. everything he had was gone. everyone he had was dead. evan was all he had left, but was it really evan anymore? was it ever really evan? it was getting harder & harder to make a distinction between the two inhabitants of this body, & vinny tried to deny that, but he couldn't lie to himself. he couldn't do it anymore, & they both knew it. but only vince knew how many elaborate plans he'd come up with. only vince knew how many times he'd tried, how many attempts he'd made. they never worked, even though they should have. they never worked because habit wouldn't let him die on his own terms, & he was going to let him stay alive to suffer for as long as possible before he made his death far worse than his life had been. it was hard to look forward to that, & so, he focused on death. morbid, but almost therapeutic. surely, surely evan understood. he hoped he did. he hoped for a lot of things.

"evan, it's okay..." he said it again, voice heavy, too tired to think of anything else. usually, he would do his best to comfort evan, but he wasn't sure that he could. he didn't remember how. nothing came to mind, other than the simplest or worst responses. vince heard something else, & he wasn't listening. there wasn't any meaning in the words. perhaps falling asleep mid-conversation was the most neglectful thing he'd ever done, & yet, evan didn't wake him up, because he knew. he was tired, too, but he couldn't sleep. he let vinny rest, & he let him keep his arms around him, even though it wasn't safe. it wasn't safe, but when had he ever cared about anyone else's safety? wasn't he too selfish to care at a time like this? unfortunately, yes; he was. & vincent was going to pay for that, very, very soon, even though it wasn't his fault. nothing had ever been his fault, & it was unfair of the world to treat him like this, but as he was so often reminded: life wasn't fair. misfortune hadn't chosen him for any good reason, & it did nothing to upset the universal balance. he didn't matter, & that was convenient because he'd never thought anything else. at least he wasn't deluded with visions of importance, like many were, blinded by false superiority. in his situation, the divison of control, of power, was obvious in that he had none & habit had all.

"night, vin." this was all he said. he was still as the other man slept, & suddenly, he became even stiller. dead still & silent, not even blinking or breathing. if vince were awake, he would have sworn that he felt the man's core temperature drop ten degrees. (but he was not awake, & he slept in blissful ignorance for now.) the previous rituals of casual rest were resumed, but not by evan. evan was gone, unfortunately, & without much of a fight, either. it was sad, but almost expected. no one would be strong enough to fight anymore. poor vincent, the real victim here, who battled for survival every day & when he finally believed that he could place his trust somewhere, he was simply disproven, as if he were being shooed away by the greater force of fate. it was either merciful or cruel of the entity, letting all be calm for some time. there were different aspects, different things going on. maybe it was neither one, for the same end result would occur either way & it wasn't going to be nice. his abuse was merely held off a bit, as if habit were procrastinating. he did get to cling on to the illusion of evan for a little while longer. that helped, that made him feel safe for a minute or two, his sleep empty & dreamless instead of nightmare-filled. it just couldn't last.

with the highest degree of gentleness that he was capable of, he slipped vin's arms off of him & pushed him over, onto his back instead of his side. he placed a hand on each of his shoulders, staring down at his now uneasily sleeping form with the countenance that only a hungry predator wore. "vinny," he whispered. in return, there was only a soft groan, eyes squeezing shut tighter behind his glasses. & it left him disgruntled, for he wanted vincent awake. he always got what he wanted, no matter what it took, no matter what he had to do. once again, he voiced his name, but he kneed him right in the stomach as he did so. it certainly woke him up, forcing a surprised half-gag, half-shout out of him as habit sweetly cooed, " _vinny._ "

eyes wide, he didn't dare speak. he asked no questions for he didn't need to, already well aware of who this was & what he was going to do. sleep made his vision blurry, & he tried to blink it away, but his eyelids were so heavy that he feared he'd somehow fall asleep again & habit would punish him for it. there was no exchange, other than their constant eye contact. one didn't break it because he was being dominant. the other didn't break it because he was so frozen, horrified, that even his eyes wouldn't budge. he didn't want the entity this close, but he'd let him there, hadn't he? thinking about it made him shake, violent tremors underneath the weight of habit's vessel. "be still," he snapped, kneeing the larger man in the stomach once again, simply because it was easy. it made him wheeze, & the noise made the monster laugh. he laughed right in vince's face. his breath smelled like decay & it made vin feel sick, vomiting a legitimate concern after being hit in the gut twice. & habit knew. "you gonna puke on yourself, vinster? haha, & i thought you were a big boy. guess not."

as if to prove his point, he punctuated the statement by repeating the same action. he was relentless, & vinny hated it. he hated them both, himself & his torturer, with every ounce of his being. it was all he had left; anger, blame, guilt. they mattered less when he was this close to being sick - his supply of food was always so limited, he doubted he would have much to give up, other than stomach acid. that would hurt, though, just like everything else always did. he swallowed back the increasingly sour taste that was growing far back in his throat & bit down on his tongue hard enough to keep himself from crying. a coppery twinge mixed with the flavor of bile, & he coughed, gagged, mouth open as he sputtered.

that was all habit needed. two fingers lodged their way into vin's mouth, shoving back towards his throat. they both knew vince wasn't brave enough to bite him, & it wouldn't have helped him much if he was. the only defense that he had was to try to throw his head around & whine, muscles randomly thrashing like a fish out of water. it was over as quickly as it began, & sadly, that was enough time to push him over the edge. there was no substance to the brownish fluid, a hint of blood & not much else. it was on his mouth & his shirt & it made his skin crawl, & the entity made his skin crawl, too. as stupid as it was, he felt humiliated, & he almost started crying, tears building in his eyes, a whine forming in his throat. it took a threat to quiet him: "shut the fuck up or i'll _maul_ you."

they were both quiet, almost reminiscent of the same silence which had taken place just a number of minutes ago. at least that pause hadn't been filled with terror. or, maybe it actually had been, considering how fearful he was all the time. habit pinched his cheek & grinned, for a reason that he couldn't decipher. perhaps he was just happyily satisifed by that display, temporarily filled with joy because he'd seen enough suffering for the moment. that made him feel even worse, & he couldn't imagine feeling so great about something so awful. he couldn't imagine being so needlessly malicious, such a soulless monster. at least he didn't have to think about it for long, nervous eyes too slow to follow a fist that knocked the side of his head of a few times without restraint - enough to give him a concussion. "night, vin." a mockery. he spat in the weaker being's face & got up, left to do better, more useful things with evan's body. maybe he'd keep them apart for weeks, months, a year. he'd decide later, & whatever pushed vincent to the absolute edge of his sanity was just fine with habit. actually, he was almost ready to watch him snap.

bad things happened to good people every single day, & he was one of them.


End file.
